Mask of Sand
by poplarleaves
Summary: Being a ninja isn't all it's cracked up to be. There are rules, expectations, standards that you must live up to. And once you're in deep, so deep you begin to struggle, you realize that there's no turning back, because the current's carrying you away.
1. air

_**air**_

* * *

_I'll ask myself: how can I live? Every day, every hour, I'll think that I can't go on. I'll talk to someone about my job; it's there. I'll see a child, running in the street, chasing a dog. It's there. I'll sit and stare at the whole of Konoha, drinking in the sights, drinking in the wonder, the beauty of progress._

_It's there._

_Oh, yes, I'll just go up to a friend and we'll start chatting about the weather, maybe about the new trends, the silly couples who hold hands. And then I'll say: "What are you doing today, Kiku?"_

_"Oh, I've just been assigned a mission. You know, one of those nasty A-ranks. So I might end up fighting a bit, maybe cut some people up, small stuff like that. I might even kill someone, who knows? Well, how about you?"_

_Shinobi. We're supposed to be loyal, strong, ruthless. Emotionless. And yet we're only human. To a human, living without emotions is like living without air. Sure, there are those who can achieve the feat; no doubt about that. There are plenty of those hanging around. Empty hollow shells. They're the ones who you see in the comics, the ones who aren't bothered by anything. Even for those, it's like living without air._

_For the ones who only hide their thoughts, it's as if they're breathing through straws. The small kind; the kind you stir drinks with. Sometimes they'll push the straw away, loosen up, and show you that they care. Sometimes... they won't. We're all only human._

_But for those that truly don't feel anything..._

_They go insane. They all do. Maybe they won't show it openly, but it's still there. All of those killers, the ones who rise so quickly to the top... little by little, their actions will betray their masked faces._

_I don't know how I'm living. I don't know how I can live, because I'm living without air._


	2. breath

**_breath_**

* * *

"They say that people who live like this are either crazy or eventually go crazy."

Temari shot a look at the raven-haired young man who leaned casually -- too casually, for her taste -- against her open door. "Who says?" she retorted. "People who don't live like this?"

Shikamaru looked around the cluttered room, then shrugged. "Probably."

With a loud whump, Temari slammed down the book she was holding, raising a cloud of dust. "What are you doing here anyways, pineapple-head?" Absently, she waved away the dust with a small fan. Shikamaru, unperturbed, remained unmoving. The silence pressed in for several long moments before Temari's fingers snapped up to catch... a perfectly sharpened kunai. Aimed directly at her heart.

Shikamaru uncrossed his arms and stuck his hands into his pockets. "I'm supposed to ask you out."

There was a pause, during which Temari did a bit of soul-searching and found that she was infuriated. "If this is a joke, you're a dead man," she threatened darkly.

"Lady Tsunade might be nuts to assign it, but it's true." Shikamaru unfolded himself from the wall and approached her hesitantly, watching her eyes: a hunter warily circling his prey, Temari thought. "We need better relationships between the Leaf and the Sand. Even if things have quieted down the last few years, the Hokage wants something to cement it. I still need your consent, though."

Temari turned her head away just slightly. "Tch. I'm not going to go out with a loser like you just because someone's ordering us to."

"You can go because you want to."

Temari found herself speechless. When she finally opened her mouth again, Shikamaru was already halfway out the door. He turned to look at her one more time. "So... seven tomorrow?"

Temari's shoulders sagged. Might as well, since Gaara was probably in on it too. "Seven-thirty then."

A curt nod and Nara was gone. For some obscure reason, Temari found herself sifting through the same piles of papers over and over and over again. With a hiss of exasperation, she sat down and buried her face in her hands. Why did things have to be so damn complicated? Of course life wasn't fair, but she wished it would deal her a good hand now and then. Even if Nara was the one she would have chosen.

"Gods..."

_I have so many things I still need to figure out. I don't want to drag him into anything, but I just know he'll notice the differences. That's what he's famous for, right? Interpreting and then predicting people's actions. He knows me too well to read me wrong. Probably the only person who can do that better than Gaara and Kankuro, my own brothers._

_Shikamaru..._

* * *

Please review; I really appreciate it!


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